The Therapist Who Cusses

(picture is from Barcelona, Spain 2023)   I chose to rest after the election.   As I slowly return to being more present, I suddenly realized oh shit, the holiday season is here! As someone who has anxiety and occasional depression, the holidays can be bittersweet.  I enjoy the holidays and family time, but I despise the insincerity of it too.  Suddenly, people who are normally assholes or passive-aggressive become saints.  Disingenuous people make me confused because I am thinking, “who are you?  Like really?” Nonetheless, we shall endure, survive and thrive. If you are like me need help navigating the season of eating, drinking and sometimes fickleness of people make you scratch your head, then here is how you can make it to 2025: Decide what you would like to do or not like to do during this season  You do not have to go if it makes you miserable, cry uncontrollably in your car or harm yourself. If you family or friend options are limited, it’s...

  "A community joins together to fend off harsh and frightening realities of the world outside the walls. A community itself should provide security, trust, and honesty, and more importantly, happiness."- Analysis of Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler  Working in the mental health field can be an island that feels isolating and frustrating at times especially if you are alone.  Therapists,  Social Workers, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Nurse Practitioners and everyone in the field pour themselves into their work with clients.  The pour consists of energy, care and empathy.  Often times for those who are not in the field, it's hard to understand the weight of carrying an identity as a helper while also being someone who is need of help too. Early in my career as a pre-licensed professional and a graduate counselor (LGPC) I felt burnout,  unsupported and at times disregarded.  I felt like I was walking down a tunnel and there was no light in fro...

  This month brings into two awareness campaigns and reflections.  It's Pride month and I want to say I love you to all my friends and family who live their lives authentically.  I have not always been the best ally and I am grateful for learning, growing and using my privilege to lift your voices. Also,  June is men’s health (mental) month.   As Father’s Day approaches I think of the lineage of Father’s in my life.  I see my husband who is the newest father to adapt into the role of father.  I think of my father whose father I never met and I think of my “oh so cool” grandfather.   Men have many faces in my life and their presence in my life is rooted in my heart.  I have a fondness for creating spaces of safety and care for the men in my life even when it’s met with, “I am fine.”  I probe and poke, “are you sure you are okay?”  “Yes, I am fine.”  I have resorted to the statement, “if you are not okay, it’s fine....

Mother’s Day can be a day of joy for the moms who have their rhythm with children and dance in between roles, sadness for those longing to be mothers, heartbreak for those who have lost their children, soul crushing hurt for those who lost their mothers before their mother reached the stage of being an elder, confusion for those with strained relationships with their mothers, anxiety for the new mom who ponders, “they really just gave me a baby? And left?” and reflection for those who have transitioned from grief to joy on this holiday. I still look at my kid with wonder and amazement. I remember during my IVF journey, I wrote in my journal, “I can almost see my baby in my dreams, and they are so close, but I cannot have them so I just cry.” My partner/husband and I excitedly tried for children for 3 years. I took advice, smiled at baby showers while feeling sadness stab me and I just grieved. I reflected on my life, and I leaned into the terrifying reality that life is a chaotic messy...

There is a TikTok video we have seen or it’s been reposted on facebook, instagram or twitter.  The video indicates if you sleep with your hand tucked folded under your head or in the crane of your neck then you are probably neurodivergent and/or “on the spectrum [diagnosed with autism].”  As a therapist the recent increased access to mental health services, therapists, mental health information and mental allies has been a beautiful renaissance to witness.  We went from the days of whispering “I am thinking about seeing a therapist” to the days of matter-of- factly discussing with friends, “my therapist is so amazing!  How are things with your therapist?”  All good things come with challenges such as eating too much candy typically results in cavities.  The avalanche of psychoeducation and mental health information has also resulted in people proclaiming “these are the signs you have [insert diagnosis].” The intention with these videos are to provide educat...

It’s a New Year! Welcome to the beginning of the new year and the all too realistic pressure to “carpe diem” and “achieve your goals” mantra that will be constant for the next couple of months. As a therapist, I have a challenging relationship with the beginning of the year. Ideally, it’s delightful to see people pursue their goals and utilize their therapists for support however; at times I fear for clients and the general public who hope to achieve every goal today. At times when people do not achieve every goal every day, it can lead to an agnostic approach to progress, hopelessness, fatigue, burnout, and depression. I am here to tell you there is a better way to approach goals and stay focused on getting results while simultaneously overcoming challenges. I wanted to review these tips which have helped me organize my goals and get results. 1. Determine what you want to change. This can be overwhelming because life is messy sometimes. One starting point could start with a self-care ...